X-Rated English: Are the kids all right with the phallic teacher?

This presentation introduces the phallic teacher, a spectral figure teachers negotiate, as they copy out national curriculum descriptor codes, dread random audit by VIT and labour to improve NAPLAN scores. These tasks position us all to perform as phallic teachers. What exactly is a “phallic teacher”? What are the features of an X-rated English administered by teachers addressed as "phallic"? Are the kids really all right in this scenario? Are we? What are our options for other ways of being, for rejecting the ejaculatory delight of ticking boxes, and the pornographic voyeurism of "visible learning"? Lucinda locates these activities in the heteronormative neoliberal imaginary, and argues that data is nothing more than a massive prosthesis. This presentation offers English teachers, assailed by mandated text lists and computer essay marking, dramatic new language and concepts with which to think critically about their work and to think creatively about the future. Warning: this presentation has an X 18+ Restricted rating, due to sexual references, nudity and coarse language.